by Ralph Kassen.
There are times in life when the best thing we can do is just walk away. This may be true in a conversation, a relationship, or even a ministry.
We find this a very difficult decision to make. Something inside us says, “Don’t give up! Never back down! Take a stand and stick to it.” While such words often have great validity, there are occasions when they lead only to discouragement, hurt and even destruction.
When David fled to Gath, the Philistines were puzzled. They said, “Isn’t this David, the king of the land? Isn’t he the one they sing about in their dances: ‘Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands?’” (1 Sam. 21:11). They could hardly believe that this man who had been anointed for kingship was fleeing for his life.
Then, years later, after David had actually mounted the throne of Israel and done many great things, he again had to walk away from the plot of his son Absalom. Actually, it was more a case of running. He “continued up the Mount of Olives, weeping as he went; his head was covered and he was barefoot” (2 Sam. 15:30).
In Luke 10, Jesus told his disciples to move on from a house or town if they were not welcomed there. Paul and Barnabas did this as well in Pisidian Antioch, when persecution broke out. “They shook the dust from their feet in protest against them and went to Iconium,” says Acts 13:51. Actually this was not the first time for Paul; he had begun his ministry with having to escape Damascus “in a basket through an opening in the wall” (Acts 9:25).
The question that comes to mind is this: How do I know when to walk away, and when to stay?
Options Abound
First of all, have an open heart toward God. God is creative, and you are made in His image. He actually likes variety; just look at the world he designed. As there are many ways to drive from Calgary to San Francisco, so there are many ways to get from where you are now to where you are going in life. Do you want the fastest route, the most scenic route, the no-construction route, or the route with the least traffic?
There are many ways to reach your dreams and callings in life. Do not become vexed on how you will get there. You won’t be able to make good decisions if you are motivated by fear instead of love, with His peace and wisdom.
Also, don’t be an idealist. Don’t spiritualize all your decisions. Idealists don’t live too long. King David could have lost his family, his kingdom, and even his life had he not walked away from Absalom’s invaders. He was still king even though he had to leave the palace for a while. You are not any less in God’s eyes if you have to walk away from a situation, especially if it is just for a time.
We tend to think, “God led me here, and I’m not retreating for any reason.” Then in our obsession and pride, we try to defend ourselves. The result is often hurt, discouragement, and continuing deterioration.
When Should You Walk Away?
First, as the David stories show us, it is all right to walk away if your life is in danger. After all, what’s better: being dead here, or being productive somewhere else?
Next, walk away from situations where you are going to lose your dreams. Certainly walk away from the prospect of losing who you are in Jesus.
We need always to hold a clear mental picture of where we are going and what we are trying to accomplish. This sets us up to ask ourselves: Will this option before me help me get to the goal? If not, then walk away.
We counsel people in our congregations along this line. We say to the young single man or woman, “That person you want to date—how will they affect you? Will you have to compromise your morals, dreams, or beliefs in order to be with them?” We say to the career person, “Think about that new promotion—will it rob you of being at church? Will you have to give up devotion time with your kids because you leave the house before they get up, or you arrive home after they go to bed?”
These are questions we need to ask ourselves as well.
Another reason to walk away is for the team’s sake. Many a sports coach has realized he has taken the team as far as he is able, and insisting to stay would only cause division. If our eyes are focused on the greater good of the group, we will be able to make better decisions about our own individual role.
Finally, we need to walk away if we are losing our dignity. It doesn’t matter what you have done or not done, or whether it’s your fault or someone else’s fault. If you are losing your dignity, it is time to walk back to trusting God as your Defender. He will lead you to victory and bring you to a place of new opportunity.
If at all possible, don’t wait in your situation until pain forces you to make a decision. Instead, let wisdom lead you forward. And if the wise decision is to walk away, go ahead and do it. It’s okay.
Ralph Kassen is the pastor of Camrose Community Church, Camrose, Alberta.
